Friday, July 11, 2008

bucket head.

It has been forever and a day since I've posted... I have been staying quite busy with my pregnancy. Our little lady is just kicking away, and my anticipation of her arrival is filled with such happiness. My love for little Henry just grows so much every day; the thought that this sort of love will be doubled soon just blows my mind. I think back often to when I was in the last months of pregnancy with Henry. There is so much waiting and wondering; wanting to see and hold this tiny person that has been growing inside of you (for what seems like an eternity). There is nesting, worrying and wondering, a bit of apprehension about how things will change. Then the baby is born, and nothing could really prepare you for the reality of it. Before Henry I had zero experience with babies. I had various stints as a babysitter, but nothing that prepared me for the reality of dealing with an infant. Those first months are so sleepless and tiring, and your body is still trying to re-acclimate itself from the toll of pregnancy. It takes quite a while for things to reach an even keel again (not that they will ever be the same- which is a good thing, it just takes a while to realize this). This pregnancy is so different in that I feel more prepared. I thought I was so prepared last time, with all of my baby manuals, gear, etc. This time around I am more prepared without any of those things.

Henry will be two in a very short couple of months. Every night we carry out the same bedtime routine- after dinner and a bath Mike and I snuggle with him on the couch and unwind with a little Sesame Street. And every night I think "kid, where have you been all of my life??!! you are truly the bees knees!!" and then I realize- oh yes, you have been inside of my heart this whole time. all of my love, my hopes, and dreams. And now you are outside of me, my love, and Mike's love all out there in the open. And I guess this is the part that really scares the hell out of parents, because of course you want to protect your love with all of your will and might. But you also have to set it free. There is a balance, and I guess most of my every days are about trying to figure out that balance. And here there is another little one inside, kicking away, a whole bunch of love waiting to be set free. I will miss being pregnant- I feel more beautiful and strangely alive this way (maybe it is because I felt so awful and wished so much for death the first few months of "morning" sickness); there is something so primal and amazingly spiritual and even animalistic about being pregnant.
I wish I could bottle all of this up and really remember it forever, because this is likely the last time I will be pregnant. Two is a great number, and I think we are sticking with it.

We have undertaken a huge project, which is another big reason why I haven't updated in awhile. I can't wait to share news of it here, but it will be just a bit longer. Let's just say that every morning when I wake up and look out the window, I mutter under my breath: we must be insane. But more on that later.

I'll leave you with some lovely shots of Henry and I fooling around and of him raiding my tupperware drawer. The kid loves to put stuff on his head. Bowls, buckets, boxes, pots and pans. What can I say? We lovingly refer to him sometimes as "bucket head." Well, he is his father's son!

(he likes to put stuff on my head, too)


suzystel said...

great post, marrisa. i like how you describe being pregnant and being a mom.

suzystel said...

god, i am retarded. i just realized i spelled your name wrong. sorry! it must be all the paint fumes i am sitting in right now.

Marissa said...

your mama!!


thom and beth said your new house is ever so cute!
i want to see it!

Mona said...

This is such a sweet post, I have a pink plastic colander that my 18 month old thinks is a hat.

Bumbles said...

This brought tears to my eyes too Marissa...looking forward to meeting yalls new creation! And I haven't seen Henry in so long I want to hang out with that little boo.
I have baby fever now ahhhhhh!